Oh, I so understand the argument - his diagnosis, his decision vs the burden of the secret. It's almost like you can't breathe until everyone important knows. Thank you for sharing this, Kristina!
I could feel myself cringe inside as I read your words. 'Not wanting them to worry...'
There's so much that can be unpacked in that phrase: vulnerability, not wanting to comfort others when we, ourselves, are hurting, and not wanting to have to explain everything over and over.
I was cringing because all these scenarios played out with Dad, and then before he passed sharing Mum's diagnosis...
SO I hear you, Kristina and sending big empathy hugs (FYI I decided to write 1 email with periodic updates to all family and close friends ...because at one point I was fielding MANY calls/emails about both parents...)
Yes, the explaining everything over and over is retraumatizing in so many ways. I certainly didn't mind doing this for family and close friends - but it became harder and harder as time went on and people that weren't as close to him would ask. Especially when I was in a place where crying was inappropriate (work). I like the idea of writing one email update periodically, but my husband is very private and wouldn't want me to do that. (So happy that he is letting me publish the memoir. I think he is resigned to the fact that it will come out!)
Oh, I so understand the argument - his diagnosis, his decision vs the burden of the secret. It's almost like you can't breathe until everyone important knows. Thank you for sharing this, Kristina!
Thank you, Cherie! Yes, it was a huge relief when everyone knew.
I could feel myself cringe inside as I read your words. 'Not wanting them to worry...'
There's so much that can be unpacked in that phrase: vulnerability, not wanting to comfort others when we, ourselves, are hurting, and not wanting to have to explain everything over and over.
I was cringing because all these scenarios played out with Dad, and then before he passed sharing Mum's diagnosis...
SO I hear you, Kristina and sending big empathy hugs (FYI I decided to write 1 email with periodic updates to all family and close friends ...because at one point I was fielding MANY calls/emails about both parents...)
Yes, the explaining everything over and over is retraumatizing in so many ways. I certainly didn't mind doing this for family and close friends - but it became harder and harder as time went on and people that weren't as close to him would ask. Especially when I was in a place where crying was inappropriate (work). I like the idea of writing one email update periodically, but my husband is very private and wouldn't want me to do that. (So happy that he is letting me publish the memoir. I think he is resigned to the fact that it will come out!)
I hear you, Kristina! Navigating our personal wishes, is the most important thing - deciphering them is a journey in itself! Sitting alongside you. xo