Cancer Has Only The Meaning We Attribute To It
After He Said Cancer | A Conversation with Jenny Peterson
I consider it a gift to have a conversation with someone who has made their peace with this world and the next, especially when life is difficult and there are health challenges. Thank you,
, for taking the time to talk to me and share your wisdom.Kristina Adams Waldorf: Today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Jenny Peterson, who has Stage 4 cancer, and is kind enough to share her journey with us. Would you please tell us about when you were first diagnosed with cancer?
Jenny: So, I have had cancer three times. My first cancer diagnosis was malignant melanoma in my thirties, and that was a one-and-done treatment with surgery, so it didn't really disrupt my life too much. The second cancer diagnosis was breast cancer stage 2, and that was 12 years ago. I went through all the standard treatments: two surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and then did about 2 years of hormone therapy. The side effects were difficult for me, and I stopped the hormone therapy. My eyes were wide open when I discontinued that part of my treatment. I had to weigh the quality of my life against the length of my days remaining.
So, I made the decision to stop the hormone therapy very confidently. And then in June of 2024, I began having back pain. Initially, I thought it was a pulled muscle and consulted a primary care doctor, an orthopedic specialist, and a pain management specialist. Nobody caught that I had active tumors in my spine. About 2 days after my MRI, where they said my spine was clear, my back broke.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: I am so sorry this happened. I wish that they had caught this sooner.
Jenny: Me too. It was the most excruciating pain I've ever been in in my entire life, and I was even trying to go to physical therapy. By the time we knew that something was dreadfully wrong, my entire body collapsed. At the same time, I needed emergency surgery for my spine, and I was told that my cancer had come back.
So, since June of last year, I've been recovering from back surgery, which has a 12 to 18-month recovery timeframe. And then, a month after surgery, I began cancer treatment. It’s been a bit of a double whammy.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: This is heartbreaking. You have gone through an emotionally and physically difficult year, and yet your mood on Substack seems upbeat.
Jenny: I am a naturally positive person, but I had a tough time after the diagnosis and my back surgery. I did feel that it was completely natural to feel despair after my diagnosis, and so I didn’t rush to medicate that away.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: What has helped you during this time?
Jenny: I felt like it was important for me to name and really embrace the feelings that I was having head-on. I tried not to avoid or minimize the feelings, but also not to get stuck in them, so that it was difficult to move forward.
For many patients with a stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis, life expectancy is 2 to 3 years. My survival will probably be better than that because I have a very slow-growing type of cancer. But it’s still difficult to hear that you have Stage 4 incurable cancer. It brings you face-to-face with your mortality.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: How do you come to terms with this diagnosis?
Jenny: Feeling frozen and terrified is not how I want to live. That’s not appealing to me.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: Still, I am impressed with your courage in facing these emotions and making the conscious decision to work through them, to feel them, and address them. I think many people tend to sweep things under the rug.
Jenny: We all have times when the truth or our reality in that moment is too much to process. And I think the healthy response is not to force it. Everyone processes their emotions at their own pace and in their own way. This cancer diagnosis only has as much meaning as we want to attribute to it. I can give my cancer a very scary and bad meaning, or I can give it a more balanced meaning that serves me and helps me to keep moving forward. Some days I'm more successful at this than others, but when I am struggling, I give myself a break.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: What have you learned about yourself in this journey?
Jenny: Death is not anything to fear, and that's something that I really feared before. I know it sounds a little nerdy, but I did some research on near-death experiences. And I read books and watched documentaries on Netflix and just kind of submersed myself in it. Death is not something, I fear, anymore. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to remove that fear from my life because we're all going to experience death.
Kristina Adams Waldorf: I'm so impressed by your journey and grateful that I got a chance to speak with you.
Jenny: Thank you.
If you are interested in reading Jenny Peterson’s Substack, here are a few links:
https://open.substack.com/pub/jennynybropeterson
Here are some of Jenny’s favorite posts:
1. These Days.
3. The Glimmers.
If you would like to read more posts from Kristina (After He Said Cancer), here are a few:
How It Began. This story is the origin of my Substack and tells the story of the first moment when we learned of my husband’s breast cancer diagnosis. https://www.afterhesaidcancer.com/p/how-it-began
Dandelions in the Lawn. https://open.substack.com/pub/tigerinmykitchen/p/dandelions-in-the-lawn?r=1acedj&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
The Day He Proposed. https://www.afterhesaidcancer.com/p/along-the-salish-sea?r=1acedj
Surrender. https://www.afterhesaidcancer.com/p/surrender?r=1acedj
What a brave and beautiful human being. I'd be proud to call her friend ❤️
Thank you, Kristina! I thoroughly enjoyed talking with you, and so appreciate your voice on the topic of living with cancer. You are helping so many people!